Broken but Intact

When I was a child, I didn't like studying very much, yet as I grew older, I realized that it was time to start studying. For my first exam, I got an excellent score, and my mother was very happy. It was at this time, I suddenly felt as if studying could actually be fun. Because my father left, I had developed a stronger bond with my mother. We are often told that we look like sisters and we could talk about anything. Although my mother was not my father, she did not look as tough and could not provide me the paternal feeling, yet without a dad, my mom transformed into an unstoppable woman. She would give up everything for me. In the past, she was able to go out with friends and do as she liked, but now, she couldn’t. She has to take care of me and take care of the family. As you grow older, you gradually understand how much your mother has sacrificed for you. I know she is an amazing person. So whenever we argued, I would write a letter to her. Through the paper, I could convey how I felt about her, and felt about the situation.

Recently, I realized that my mother is very considerate of me. However, I am unable to be considerate of her with the same passion, a one sided love. Yet, I believe the effort in a family should be equal both ways. For me, my family, even with a single parent, is complete.

JT 2019/0606

Tug of War

Because my parents got divorced very early, I had no memories of living with both parents. I don't get along well with my stepfather. He is usually very gentle but serious, however he is scary when he is in a bad mood, he would be loud, fierce, and he would slam the doors and breaking things. I always think he doesn't like me very much. When I was younger, I would be jealous and demand to sit with my mom, and my stepfather was not very happy about this. He would, too, get jealous, as he wants to sit with my mom as well. But, kids are just oblivious as they are, and could care less about manners and respect, which made the situation very awkward.

Once I remember, they had an argument. My mom feared he would become violent, thus she immediately packed up our bags, and took me to a hotel in the middle of the night. We stayed at the hotel for several days, but I still had to go to school. One day as I got out of school, my stepfather drove over and forced my mother to return home with him. Everyone was shocked by the situation. teachers helped us "drive away" our stepfather, and we went back into the campus to calm down. Many people say that families are safe shelter, but I think safe shelter are places you go where during a disaster, so you usually don't go there. As a result, I don't think family is a safe haven, it is a place that you love a lot. Whether you are happy or sad, it is a place you would want to return to.

IC 2019/06/06

Insights

I have strong beliefs on relationships, perhaps since I’ve seen what my mother went through. My mother was always indecisive and gave others countless chances. In my opinion, that is exhausting, so when facing my own feelings, I would express my thoughts and communicate with others clearly. Yet if there are no signs of change, I also feel that love should not be forced, and can be let go of.

Honestly, my mother is often busy with work, so we don’t have much contact. But when necessary, we would have a conversation, just like friends. Maybe because I came from a small family, so I like being alone, and need my personal space. Perhaps to someone with a normal family, my situation would seem strange, but I am perfectly comfortable. Instead, I feel lucky without a dad, fortunately, we don’t have to live with him.

GT 2019/02/16